I was laying in bed with my ex. We had recently broken up, and was doing the whole back-and-forth limbo, knew-it-was-over-but-kept-going-back-for-more-hurt routine. I kept hoping he would get this epiphany that he wanted to be a better person, listen to me, care about what I had to say, and communicate back. I knew I needed to work on those things as well so I decided to listen closely for a change. Here is what I heard:
I can't remember what topic we were discussing when he brought up a story about a girl he had a sexual fling with before we met. He and a date had gotten very drunk and began getting very kinky. They started playing with each other's butts. Annnnndddd he licked her asshole. The way he described it, he made out with it. It was a whole encounter that his mouth had with her ass....a woman he barely knew. I'm sure he went on to defend himself from my heckling over the encounter, but once I zeroed in on that fact, I didn't hear much else.
Some weeks later, after being in so much misery over the break up I called him up and asked him if he was interested in working things out. I believed we still had chemistry, and all we needed was some counseling in order to be better.
He said he would think about it while he was away on a business trip.
During those few days, I waited on pins and needles. I couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. I sat by the phone all day waiting for a call, a text, some sign as to what his answer would be. I genuinely had hope for us. I counted down the minutes until he would be home. I considered surprising him at the airport with a sign the way I had done when we first met.
Somewhere in the middle of my anxiety I started looking at his social media accounts. I needed a sign. I wanted to see if he had had any activity to prove he had in fact been around his phone and he was just choosing not to contact me. No activity that I could see. So I looked to see who he was following.
Since I had previously snuck a peak at his phone I knew the names of a couple of women he had been talking to on Tinder. Sure enough, I found their names among the list. In addition, I found close to 20 other pages with names like "Country Babes" and "Combat Honeys" and "Girls with Assets". They were filled with half naked photo-shopped women looking to score some attention and likes.
This had not been the man I knew previously. When we first met, he acted like he was a wannabe family man. His siblings were married and had kids so he felt like he was looking for someone to join him to complete the family. He portrayed himself as a Bible-thumping, "Jesus is my homie" type of guy. We went to church, small groups with other Christians, prayed before dinner, made Christmas about Christ, and did the whole wholesome charade hoping it would parlay into a whole married with kids thing.
Now here I was hoping we could just put the pieces back together. We just needed Jesus. We just needed counseling. We just needed to forgive and forget.
But as I stared at the social media account, the truth was right in front of me. Some men are at the stage of their life that they become more focused on becoming someone and giving their energy towards relationships that will be around awhile, and others are satisfied getting drunk and licking assholes.
I was in one group. He was in the other. And there is no amount of Jesus and counseling and praying and begging or cajoling that was going to fix that. I just had to listen and hear that inside.
I could see now that he thought he wanted to be the family man when we first met. But as I got to know him, the truth of who he was came to light. He also realized that he was indeed not the family man he imitated. He was the drunk asshole.........................licker.
I can't remember what topic we were discussing when he brought up a story about a girl he had a sexual fling with before we met. He and a date had gotten very drunk and began getting very kinky. They started playing with each other's butts. Annnnndddd he licked her asshole. The way he described it, he made out with it. It was a whole encounter that his mouth had with her ass....a woman he barely knew. I'm sure he went on to defend himself from my heckling over the encounter, but once I zeroed in on that fact, I didn't hear much else.
Some weeks later, after being in so much misery over the break up I called him up and asked him if he was interested in working things out. I believed we still had chemistry, and all we needed was some counseling in order to be better.
He said he would think about it while he was away on a business trip.
During those few days, I waited on pins and needles. I couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. I sat by the phone all day waiting for a call, a text, some sign as to what his answer would be. I genuinely had hope for us. I counted down the minutes until he would be home. I considered surprising him at the airport with a sign the way I had done when we first met.
Somewhere in the middle of my anxiety I started looking at his social media accounts. I needed a sign. I wanted to see if he had had any activity to prove he had in fact been around his phone and he was just choosing not to contact me. No activity that I could see. So I looked to see who he was following.
Since I had previously snuck a peak at his phone I knew the names of a couple of women he had been talking to on Tinder. Sure enough, I found their names among the list. In addition, I found close to 20 other pages with names like "Country Babes" and "Combat Honeys" and "Girls with Assets". They were filled with half naked photo-shopped women looking to score some attention and likes.
This had not been the man I knew previously. When we first met, he acted like he was a wannabe family man. His siblings were married and had kids so he felt like he was looking for someone to join him to complete the family. He portrayed himself as a Bible-thumping, "Jesus is my homie" type of guy. We went to church, small groups with other Christians, prayed before dinner, made Christmas about Christ, and did the whole wholesome charade hoping it would parlay into a whole married with kids thing.
Now here I was hoping we could just put the pieces back together. We just needed Jesus. We just needed counseling. We just needed to forgive and forget.
But as I stared at the social media account, the truth was right in front of me. Some men are at the stage of their life that they become more focused on becoming someone and giving their energy towards relationships that will be around awhile, and others are satisfied getting drunk and licking assholes.
I was in one group. He was in the other. And there is no amount of Jesus and counseling and praying and begging or cajoling that was going to fix that. I just had to listen and hear that inside.
I could see now that he thought he wanted to be the family man when we first met. But as I got to know him, the truth of who he was came to light. He also realized that he was indeed not the family man he imitated. He was the drunk asshole.........................licker.
