I recently started seeing my ex again. No, not a random dude I dated for a couple of weeks. I started seeing the ex that I spent two years cohabitating with. We've been broken up for almost 3 years now. I describe my time with him to most people as 'the worst 2 years of my life.' He doesn't know that. And somehow, we managed to spark 3 years after my escape. I don't say 'spark again', because we never sparked in the first place, which is just one of the reasons that it was such a terrible 2 years.
Anyway, I found myself really liking the guy. The guy I once thought of as stupid, indecisive, shallow, unmotivated, insecure, and lacking personality grew up to be ambitious, educated, well spoken, humorous, and delightful. I must REALLY be desperate if I'm thinking like that! It's like a man mirage in the dating desert.
(hehehehe...that's funny. I'm the funniest person I know)
So yesterday I had the talk with him, the 'we can't be just a casual thing' talk. He said that he had a lot to think about with it and we left it at that. During that time, I was in the process of going to a graduation party and was driving an hour to Denver for the party, which is conveniently where he also lives. On my way up there, I found out that it was going to be a much more casual party than I originally presumed. I was way overdressed. I brought an extra outfit just in case so I called the ex to ask if I could get his opinion and maybe change clothes at his place. He said that he and a friend were planning to go grab a drink so he would not be home. I asked him if he could possibly wait half an hour or leave his door unlocked. I begged him. I pleaded my case. I told him it would only take a minute. He said no.
No.
Excuse me? You know this is the girl you said you wanted to be your girlfriend right? I was pissed. And hurt. I actually cried in my car over it. It seems like a small thing for me to get so upset over, but I actually had feelings for this guy. We had such a long history, and to get a refusal to be mildly inconvenienced by someone that supposedly cares about you? At that moment, it was clear that this was not someone I wanted in my life in any capacity. Who needs enemies when you have boyfriends like that!?
But.
When we were talking about this, and I was whining about not wanting to be overdressed, he said something so perfectly. He reminded me that I was going to be surrounded by friends who loved me and didn't care what I was wearing. I glossed over his words initially. I texted him and basically told him to fuck off and never talk to me again. I had a good cry and wallowed in my frustration and hurt for a few minutes. Then I parked my car and walked into the party. My friends told me how great I looked and what an asshole my ex was (and is). They reassured me that I would find my guy eventually, and we reveled in our friends' accomplishments like good friends do. I forgot all about my hurt feelings and eventually passed out on the floor of the guestroom. I know it wasn't super inconvenient for my friend to house me, but when I thanked her she said, "That's what the guestroom is for." And I thought, 'who needs a boyfriend with friends like that?'
Anyway, I found myself really liking the guy. The guy I once thought of as stupid, indecisive, shallow, unmotivated, insecure, and lacking personality grew up to be ambitious, educated, well spoken, humorous, and delightful. I must REALLY be desperate if I'm thinking like that! It's like a man mirage in the dating desert.
(hehehehe...that's funny. I'm the funniest person I know)
So yesterday I had the talk with him, the 'we can't be just a casual thing' talk. He said that he had a lot to think about with it and we left it at that. During that time, I was in the process of going to a graduation party and was driving an hour to Denver for the party, which is conveniently where he also lives. On my way up there, I found out that it was going to be a much more casual party than I originally presumed. I was way overdressed. I brought an extra outfit just in case so I called the ex to ask if I could get his opinion and maybe change clothes at his place. He said that he and a friend were planning to go grab a drink so he would not be home. I asked him if he could possibly wait half an hour or leave his door unlocked. I begged him. I pleaded my case. I told him it would only take a minute. He said no.
No.
Excuse me? You know this is the girl you said you wanted to be your girlfriend right? I was pissed. And hurt. I actually cried in my car over it. It seems like a small thing for me to get so upset over, but I actually had feelings for this guy. We had such a long history, and to get a refusal to be mildly inconvenienced by someone that supposedly cares about you? At that moment, it was clear that this was not someone I wanted in my life in any capacity. Who needs enemies when you have boyfriends like that!?
But.
When we were talking about this, and I was whining about not wanting to be overdressed, he said something so perfectly. He reminded me that I was going to be surrounded by friends who loved me and didn't care what I was wearing. I glossed over his words initially. I texted him and basically told him to fuck off and never talk to me again. I had a good cry and wallowed in my frustration and hurt for a few minutes. Then I parked my car and walked into the party. My friends told me how great I looked and what an asshole my ex was (and is). They reassured me that I would find my guy eventually, and we reveled in our friends' accomplishments like good friends do. I forgot all about my hurt feelings and eventually passed out on the floor of the guestroom. I know it wasn't super inconvenient for my friend to house me, but when I thanked her she said, "That's what the guestroom is for." And I thought, 'who needs a boyfriend with friends like that?'
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