I turn the music off so I can hear my true thoughts tonight. Then, I turn the music back up so I can drown the loneliness of my thoughts out. Only lonely songs tonight though. I'm feeling sad and alone and mostly unloved.
As I start to sink deeper and deeper into my lament, I remember. This is what I asked for. 2 1/2 years ago, I came to the conclusion that I could never fully commit to anyone unless I spent a season being single. I broke up with my long-time boyfriend. He moved out, and we moved on. In the bigger picture of my life, I was a girl who hopped from relationship to relationship never satisfied, always trying to wrestle myself free of it. So I decided to launch myself into the desert known as singleness.
And here I am. Free...and bitching about my loneliness. How preposterous and silly. It's enough for me to laugh out loud.
I never had many girlfriends. I blamed my romantic relationships. Now, I have so many girlfriends, I feel like it gets in the way of dating. I'm such a fickle bitch. I'm a lonely fickle bitch.
So for the meantime, my loneliness is kept at bay and in perspective. Though, I've never truly felt like love has found me and walked alongside of me for more than mere moments, I am hopeful that this season too will pass...and I'll find a relationship to bitch about again.
As I start to sink deeper and deeper into my lament, I remember. This is what I asked for. 2 1/2 years ago, I came to the conclusion that I could never fully commit to anyone unless I spent a season being single. I broke up with my long-time boyfriend. He moved out, and we moved on. In the bigger picture of my life, I was a girl who hopped from relationship to relationship never satisfied, always trying to wrestle myself free of it. So I decided to launch myself into the desert known as singleness.
And here I am. Free...and bitching about my loneliness. How preposterous and silly. It's enough for me to laugh out loud.
I never had many girlfriends. I blamed my romantic relationships. Now, I have so many girlfriends, I feel like it gets in the way of dating. I'm such a fickle bitch. I'm a lonely fickle bitch.
So for the meantime, my loneliness is kept at bay and in perspective. Though, I've never truly felt like love has found me and walked alongside of me for more than mere moments, I am hopeful that this season too will pass...and I'll find a relationship to bitch about again.
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