There is a common thought that has been running through my mind lately. I guess the thought really hit me late last year, but I guess I subconsiously knew that I needed to revisit the idea.
Last year I was in Cancun for my friend's wedding. I used the time away to reflect on a wide variety of relationships in my life. At that time, life had become so busy that I had not taken the time to process my heart breaks from the year. Unfortunately, I have to say "heart breaks"...plural. Not just from my dating life but from a variety of relationships within my family, friendships, and a couple of romantic relationships/
As I began to reflect, I realized that I kept going back to the same people, chasing after them in hopes that they would one day figure out that they loved me.
And it hit me, painfully. They don't love me. I replayed that over and over in my head. I wasn't trying to convince myself. I just needed it to sink in. It was such a simple truth, but one I had not considered.
Yes relationships can be complicated. But at the end of the day if that person isn't who you need them to be, they probably never will be. If they don't love you by now, they probably never will. And there is no amount of nice words, fun times, or pursuing that will ever change that fact.
Right then and there I realized I needed to move on. It wasn't sad. It was empowering. Truth is always empowering. When I let go of that hope, I could move on with my life and place my energy in to pursuing better things, things and relationships that would give back to me what I gave them. It seemed like a strange paradox to say that giving up hope actually made me more hopeful. But I had placed my hope in the past things, when my future is where I needed to focus.
Now here I am 9 months later needing, again, to realize that I have allowed certain people to hold my attention and take my energy. But the simple truth is they do not give a shit about me. It's as true as it has ever been. They just don't love me. I love them. They don't love me. They are just using me like a toy for entertainment and validation. They are using me at my expense because I let them. Because I hoped that if they use me enough, they will fall in love. Does that logic make any sense?
I remember when I was a teenager I would borrow my sister's clothes constantly. She hated it because I would just leave her clothes laying around or sprawled all over her bed after each wear. I definitely didn't treat her clothes as well as my own. And now I'm the one being left laying around after each use to be forgotten and only remembered when they have nothing else to preoccupy their minds.
Again, I feel empowered by letting go of hope. Because I know I am doing the right thing for myself.
Last year I was in Cancun for my friend's wedding. I used the time away to reflect on a wide variety of relationships in my life. At that time, life had become so busy that I had not taken the time to process my heart breaks from the year. Unfortunately, I have to say "heart breaks"...plural. Not just from my dating life but from a variety of relationships within my family, friendships, and a couple of romantic relationships/
As I began to reflect, I realized that I kept going back to the same people, chasing after them in hopes that they would one day figure out that they loved me.
And it hit me, painfully. They don't love me. I replayed that over and over in my head. I wasn't trying to convince myself. I just needed it to sink in. It was such a simple truth, but one I had not considered.
Yes relationships can be complicated. But at the end of the day if that person isn't who you need them to be, they probably never will be. If they don't love you by now, they probably never will. And there is no amount of nice words, fun times, or pursuing that will ever change that fact.
Right then and there I realized I needed to move on. It wasn't sad. It was empowering. Truth is always empowering. When I let go of that hope, I could move on with my life and place my energy in to pursuing better things, things and relationships that would give back to me what I gave them. It seemed like a strange paradox to say that giving up hope actually made me more hopeful. But I had placed my hope in the past things, when my future is where I needed to focus.
Now here I am 9 months later needing, again, to realize that I have allowed certain people to hold my attention and take my energy. But the simple truth is they do not give a shit about me. It's as true as it has ever been. They just don't love me. I love them. They don't love me. They are just using me like a toy for entertainment and validation. They are using me at my expense because I let them. Because I hoped that if they use me enough, they will fall in love. Does that logic make any sense?
I remember when I was a teenager I would borrow my sister's clothes constantly. She hated it because I would just leave her clothes laying around or sprawled all over her bed after each wear. I definitely didn't treat her clothes as well as my own. And now I'm the one being left laying around after each use to be forgotten and only remembered when they have nothing else to preoccupy their minds.
Again, I feel empowered by letting go of hope. Because I know I am doing the right thing for myself.
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