friends don't let friends date guys who...

1. Who own their own bowling balls
2. Wear shoes with individual toes (called Skeleton shoes, Barefoot sports shoes, etc.)
3. Wear their cell phones on their hip
4. Wear tight Under Armour shirts anywhere...including the gym and especially the ones with collars
5. Have a pair of fake testicles attached to their vehicle
6. Are picky eaters
7. Spend more time getting dressed than you do
8. Brag...about anything other than how hot their girlfriend is
9. Wear pukka shell necklaces
10. Don't want to listen to you talk
11. Have any resemblance to a Jersey Shore character
12. Wear rhinestones on any piece of clothing
13. Have photos of himself shirtless and posing in the mirror
14. Take steroids
15. Abide by a Paleo diet
16. Decorates his house using posters and liquor bottles
17. Are married (yes, even if they're "separated", they are still married)
18. Won't dance with their lady
19. Have a house that looks like it ought to be on an episode of Hoarders
20. Make you pay for anything on a first, second, third, fourth, fifth, or sixth date


This is my list so far. If you have anything to add, please feel free to comment.



...And this is why I'm single

Do you prefer "Jack" or "Ass"?

The hardest part about dating is always the part where you get your heart broken. Unfortunately, without the risk of rejection, it is impossible to find the real thing. Sometimes, I truly wish there was a store you could walk into and they take your measurements, personality test, requirements, and go to the back of the store and bring back the perfect guy. And it's inevitable that you will date, fall in love, get married, have 2.5 kids, and never fight except when you want makeup sex. I mean, we have iPads, iPods, smart phones, and GPS!! Why wouldn't this type of technology be the world's biggest priority? Sigh.


If it's not obvious, I recently dated a guy who broke my heart. I allowed myself to become vulnerable with him. I allowed myself to be subjected to his scrutiny and ridicule for choices I made in my past, and still gave 100% to make things work for us. And the one time I stuck my hand out and asked for something I needed, he walked away.


I'm honestly glad I know now how selfish he really was, but it's still frustrating to give so much and receive so little in return. Maybe, I'm still too emotional to conjure up a coherent post regarding this story, but please, relish in my rambling anyway.


Short version: he refused to go a see a movie in theaters because someone told him it wasn't good. He said he didn't want to spend $20 going to see a movie he was going to hate. So I simply asked, "What if I want to see it?" He said he would "compromise" and spend the $1 to rent it when it came to dvd. This coming from the same man I described as "light in the dark part of my heart." And people say men grow out of their selfish chincy stage as they age. THIS IS ALL LIES!!!


As a result of this disagreement that took place in front of his tattoo artist, he told me to leave the tattoo shop, and subsequently broke up with me.


Recently, we had not spent much time alone except for the night he decided to quiz me rigorously about my dating past. He had pages worth of questions regarding my past relationships, and felt I need to be held accountable for my actions...or something like that. Following that, he would pick fights with me for reasons like the way I spoke to another man, or I interrupted him, etc. Basically, it all boiled down to the fact I didn't behave in all the ways he deemed appropriate, thus, I was voted off of the island.


I come from a family where disagreements are just a way of life. We argue, yell, fight, interrupt, share our opinions, and continue right on loving each other. I realize this way of life is not meant for the faint of heart. But, isn't a relationship defined more in the moments of conflict than in the easy moments? It was only 3 weeks in, but I appreciated the fact that we felt comfortable enough to argue.


This movie disagreement forced him over the edge apparently. I was so hurt, but continued to try to give him hope for us. I wanted to fight for this relationship. Our feelings were strong...and our values were similar... we had a lot of chemistry....he was hot....I'm hot...I kept telling myself all of these things until it dawned on me: He's a selfish motherfucker. A man who would not even go and sit through a movie with you at the movie theatre is pretty much as selfish as it gets. Wow. WHEW!!    G-d was watching my back when he let that fish get away! Once I began analyzing these things from the relationship in my head, I realized so many other things that did not line up with my values or my lifestyle either.


This realization did make it easier to move on, but the impression of being rejected and tossed into the street like trash (an exaggeration, I know), will be one that lasts......at least for a week.




This is why I'm single

Risky Business

How does this stuff happen to me? Seriously, sometimes it feels like I'm living in a comic novel. If this is true, I wonder what the title is? I Accidentally Moved In With A Stripper: The Life of Rachael Chitty or "Get It From the One You're F***ing" and other wisdom from Dad. Probably something like that.


Honest time: I'm (meaning was) currently dating two eligible men. Very cute. Very sweet. Very eligible. When comparing the two, which I'm told one should never do, one was a risk, while the other was a "sure thing". (What kind of investor am I?)


Well, comparing the two is what I was doing when I blew off the more riskier of the two investments to spend time with my "Sure Thing". I told "Risky Business", we will call him, I was too tired to hangout and that I wanted to spend time with my brother. "Sure thing" and I decided to go out with some of his roommates' friends for a quick drink. We sat down at a table full of guys when I look over to hear someone calling my name. Who do I see? "Risky Business" calling my name with a questioning look in tow. My brain immediately turned to mush. What do I say? How should I act? What would either one of them think? Fortunately, I managed a meager wave, hello, and managed to snub "Risky Business" while not showing too much attention to "Sure Thing." "Risky Business" left immediately after the encounter.


I wasn't quite sure how to explain my relationship with "Risky Business" to "Sure Thing." How much do I tell? Mostly, I just sat there with my mouth hanging open completely confounded that this even happened. So I casually mentioned that me and "Risky Business" had a dating relationship. I immediately texted my brother and asked him to come and meet me. He always knows how to make me laugh in those situations. He shows up, and the rest of "Sure Thing's" friends leave. It is me, my brother, and "Sure Thing" sitting at the table. Kind of awkward. My brother and I were commenting on how the situation could not have been more awkward when "Risky Business" approaches and asks to buy me a drink. Shit. How do I get out of this one? I scramble and say, "I already have one." Luckily, I had a sip or two left of my whiskey sour. Again, he urges me, "It's ok. I'll buy you another one." I look over at "Sure Thing" to see his heart beating out of his chest. "Risky Business" is 6'5" and 240lbs. "Sure Thing" is 5'7". "Sure Thing" looks at "Risky Business" and says, "I've got her, bro. I've got her."

Eep!! Luckily, "Risky Business" is not a fighter and backed away extremely confused.


In the end, I felt horribly for even putting the two of them in that situation. I lied, and it caught up with me. I had a lot of apologizing to do after that.

I do think I'm a great catch (if you can catch me), but I'm certainly not worth fighting over. This all goes back to the idea I firmly believe in that most situations will come to a head, or a fork, or something like that, and you will have that moment that you have to make a choice about which road you want to travel down.

Turns out, they were both risky business, but I was the riskiest business of all.

This is why I'm single.