friends don't let friends date guys who...

1. Who own their own bowling balls
2. Wear shoes with individual toes (called Skeleton shoes, Barefoot sports shoes, etc.)
3. Wear their cell phones on their hip
4. Wear tight Under Armour shirts anywhere...including the gym and especially the ones with collars
5. Have a pair of fake testicles attached to their vehicle
6. Are picky eaters
7. Spend more time getting dressed than you do
8. Brag...about anything other than how hot their girlfriend is
9. Wear pukka shell necklaces
10. Don't want to listen to you talk
11. Have any resemblance to a Jersey Shore character
12. Wear rhinestones on any piece of clothing
13. Have photos of himself shirtless and posing in the mirror
14. Take steroids
15. Abide by a Paleo diet
16. Decorates his house using posters and liquor bottles
17. Are married (yes, even if they're "separated", they are still married)
18. Won't dance with their lady
19. Have a house that looks like it ought to be on an episode of Hoarders
20. Make you pay for anything on a first, second, third, fourth, fifth, or sixth date


This is my list so far. If you have anything to add, please feel free to comment.



...And this is why I'm single