The hardest part about dating is always the part where you get your heart broken. Unfortunately, without the risk of rejection, it is impossible to find the real thing. Sometimes, I truly wish there was a store you could walk into and they take your measurements, personality test, requirements, and go to the back of the store and bring back the perfect guy. And it's inevitable that you will date, fall in love, get married, have 2.5 kids, and never fight except when you want makeup sex. I mean, we have iPads, iPods, smart phones, and GPS!! Why wouldn't this type of technology be the world's biggest priority? Sigh.
If it's not obvious, I recently dated a guy who broke my heart. I allowed myself to become vulnerable with him. I allowed myself to be subjected to his scrutiny and ridicule for choices I made in my past, and still gave 100% to make things work for us. And the one time I stuck my hand out and asked for something I needed, he walked away.
I'm honestly glad I know now how selfish he really was, but it's still frustrating to give so much and receive so little in return. Maybe, I'm still too emotional to conjure up a coherent post regarding this story, but please, relish in my rambling anyway.
Short version: he refused to go a see a movie in theaters because someone told him it wasn't good. He said he didn't want to spend $20 going to see a movie he was going to hate. So I simply asked, "What if I want to see it?" He said he would "compromise" and spend the $1 to rent it when it came to dvd. This coming from the same man I described as "light in the dark part of my heart." And people say men grow out of their selfish chincy stage as they age. THIS IS ALL LIES!!!
As a result of this disagreement that took place in front of his tattoo artist, he told me to leave the tattoo shop, and subsequently broke up with me.
Recently, we had not spent much time alone except for the night he decided to quiz me rigorously about my dating past. He had pages worth of questions regarding my past relationships, and felt I need to be held accountable for my actions...or something like that. Following that, he would pick fights with me for reasons like the way I spoke to another man, or I interrupted him, etc. Basically, it all boiled down to the fact I didn't behave in all the ways he deemed appropriate, thus, I was voted off of the island.
I come from a family where disagreements are just a way of life. We argue, yell, fight, interrupt, share our opinions, and continue right on loving each other. I realize this way of life is not meant for the faint of heart. But, isn't a relationship defined more in the moments of conflict than in the easy moments? It was only 3 weeks in, but I appreciated the fact that we felt comfortable enough to argue.
This movie disagreement forced him over the edge apparently. I was so hurt, but continued to try to give him hope for us. I wanted to fight for this relationship. Our feelings were strong...and our values were similar... we had a lot of chemistry....he was hot....I'm hot...I kept telling myself all of these things until it dawned on me: He's a selfish motherfucker. A man who would not even go and sit through a movie with you at the movie theatre is pretty much as selfish as it gets. Wow. WHEW!! G-d was watching my back when he let that fish get away! Once I began analyzing these things from the relationship in my head, I realized so many other things that did not line up with my values or my lifestyle either.
This realization did make it easier to move on, but the impression of being rejected and tossed into the street like trash (an exaggeration, I know), will be one that lasts......at least for a week.
This is why I'm single
If it's not obvious, I recently dated a guy who broke my heart. I allowed myself to become vulnerable with him. I allowed myself to be subjected to his scrutiny and ridicule for choices I made in my past, and still gave 100% to make things work for us. And the one time I stuck my hand out and asked for something I needed, he walked away.
I'm honestly glad I know now how selfish he really was, but it's still frustrating to give so much and receive so little in return. Maybe, I'm still too emotional to conjure up a coherent post regarding this story, but please, relish in my rambling anyway.
Short version: he refused to go a see a movie in theaters because someone told him it wasn't good. He said he didn't want to spend $20 going to see a movie he was going to hate. So I simply asked, "What if I want to see it?" He said he would "compromise" and spend the $1 to rent it when it came to dvd. This coming from the same man I described as "light in the dark part of my heart." And people say men grow out of their selfish chincy stage as they age. THIS IS ALL LIES!!!
As a result of this disagreement that took place in front of his tattoo artist, he told me to leave the tattoo shop, and subsequently broke up with me.
Recently, we had not spent much time alone except for the night he decided to quiz me rigorously about my dating past. He had pages worth of questions regarding my past relationships, and felt I need to be held accountable for my actions...or something like that. Following that, he would pick fights with me for reasons like the way I spoke to another man, or I interrupted him, etc. Basically, it all boiled down to the fact I didn't behave in all the ways he deemed appropriate, thus, I was voted off of the island.
I come from a family where disagreements are just a way of life. We argue, yell, fight, interrupt, share our opinions, and continue right on loving each other. I realize this way of life is not meant for the faint of heart. But, isn't a relationship defined more in the moments of conflict than in the easy moments? It was only 3 weeks in, but I appreciated the fact that we felt comfortable enough to argue.
This movie disagreement forced him over the edge apparently. I was so hurt, but continued to try to give him hope for us. I wanted to fight for this relationship. Our feelings were strong...and our values were similar... we had a lot of chemistry....he was hot....I'm hot...I kept telling myself all of these things until it dawned on me: He's a selfish motherfucker. A man who would not even go and sit through a movie with you at the movie theatre is pretty much as selfish as it gets. Wow. WHEW!! G-d was watching my back when he let that fish get away! Once I began analyzing these things from the relationship in my head, I realized so many other things that did not line up with my values or my lifestyle either.
This realization did make it easier to move on, but the impression of being rejected and tossed into the street like trash (an exaggeration, I know), will be one that lasts......at least for a week.
This is why I'm single
No comments:
Post a Comment