Ok. My attitude is fixed. I just needed a freakout week to adjust to this whole thing. I've decided to focus on what's in front of me. Enjoy my life here, and allow him to make his home 2,500 miles away. That's all he's doing. He's lonely and experiencing a new life. I need to give him his space.
I sound completely ridiculous. Like one of "those" girls I can't stand. The ones who over analyze every little thing and smother men to death. Bleh. I hate being that girl. I hate knowing that girl. Haven't we all been on both sides of that fence though? It's so weird how love can make a person completely insane. Or at least completely insecure.
I was talking with a friend the other night who was explaining how our feelings stem from our beliefs. He asked me about my core beliefs and what they were concerning these feelings of insecurity. I haven't figured it out yet, but I have been chewing on it.
Last night Boo called me late after I had been out and about drinking. We were both tipsy, and he was at a restaurant. He proceeded to tell me how these girls hit on him and invited him to a bar to hear some live music.
(He's kind of a "Mr. Big" in the sense that there are these moments where his heart is completely open and emotion and compassion flow freely from him....but mostly he is guarded and afraid.)
But, because we were both tipsy, I thought it was a good time to gently tell him how I was feeling. I told him that the past week really seemed like he was finally settling into Hawaii life and forgetting about me. That's when it hit me. I'm not scared about him finding another girl. I'm scared that the only reason he's talking to me now is because he doesn't know anyone else in Hawaii. Of course, having no filter, I said all of these things the moment they came to my mind. Fortunately for me he proceeded to lavish me with praise and tell me I was all he could think about. He also validated my fear a little bit by admitting he was settling in, but lonely. I was a good mixture of honesty, lamentation, and sweetness. He finished it up by telling me he loved me....unprovoked. It really was just what I needed. After we ended the phone call, I felt like I could finally breathe a sigh of relief.
...Maybe this is for real.
Now I can stop all of this craziness and go back to laughing. Hopefully, though, this is my season to laugh with love instead of at love.
I sound completely ridiculous. Like one of "those" girls I can't stand. The ones who over analyze every little thing and smother men to death. Bleh. I hate being that girl. I hate knowing that girl. Haven't we all been on both sides of that fence though? It's so weird how love can make a person completely insane. Or at least completely insecure.
I was talking with a friend the other night who was explaining how our feelings stem from our beliefs. He asked me about my core beliefs and what they were concerning these feelings of insecurity. I haven't figured it out yet, but I have been chewing on it.
Last night Boo called me late after I had been out and about drinking. We were both tipsy, and he was at a restaurant. He proceeded to tell me how these girls hit on him and invited him to a bar to hear some live music.
(He's kind of a "Mr. Big" in the sense that there are these moments where his heart is completely open and emotion and compassion flow freely from him....but mostly he is guarded and afraid.)
But, because we were both tipsy, I thought it was a good time to gently tell him how I was feeling. I told him that the past week really seemed like he was finally settling into Hawaii life and forgetting about me. That's when it hit me. I'm not scared about him finding another girl. I'm scared that the only reason he's talking to me now is because he doesn't know anyone else in Hawaii. Of course, having no filter, I said all of these things the moment they came to my mind. Fortunately for me he proceeded to lavish me with praise and tell me I was all he could think about. He also validated my fear a little bit by admitting he was settling in, but lonely. I was a good mixture of honesty, lamentation, and sweetness. He finished it up by telling me he loved me....unprovoked. It really was just what I needed. After we ended the phone call, I felt like I could finally breathe a sigh of relief.
...Maybe this is for real.
Now I can stop all of this craziness and go back to laughing. Hopefully, though, this is my season to laugh with love instead of at love.
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