Damn it. I said I wouldn't do this. I said I could live with an "open relationship." Hell, I think it was my idea. I don't think we really have an open relationship or anything. In fact, I'm not really sure what we have. But it was working for me. I wasn't too attached. Now all I can think about is getting my ass to Hawaii as soon as possible.
The reason I didn't want to commit to a man who lived 2,500 miles away is because I didn't want to be wondering what he was doing when he wasn't answering the phone. I didn't want to be thinking about where he was, who he was with, what he was doing. In general, I don't worry about those things when it comes to men. But tonight is the first time I got sucked in. My thoughts are running wild.
Last night he said he was scared he would hurt me. He said that whenever he gets too close to someone, he finds a way to screw it up. I am exactly the same way, but I decided this time I just wouldn't do that. To be honest, I was dating other people. (nothing serious) After this weekend, I was ready to give it all up for him. I think I was actually ready to commit to him. Now this. It's not funny anymore. I'm not laughing. I'm crying. Is this what commitment is? Being scared all the time? Feeling insecure. I feel like I have put my heart in the palm of this person's hand, and I'm scared. Really really scared. Damn it.
The reason I didn't want to commit to a man who lived 2,500 miles away is because I didn't want to be wondering what he was doing when he wasn't answering the phone. I didn't want to be thinking about where he was, who he was with, what he was doing. In general, I don't worry about those things when it comes to men. But tonight is the first time I got sucked in. My thoughts are running wild.
Last night he said he was scared he would hurt me. He said that whenever he gets too close to someone, he finds a way to screw it up. I am exactly the same way, but I decided this time I just wouldn't do that. To be honest, I was dating other people. (nothing serious) After this weekend, I was ready to give it all up for him. I think I was actually ready to commit to him. Now this. It's not funny anymore. I'm not laughing. I'm crying. Is this what commitment is? Being scared all the time? Feeling insecure. I feel like I have put my heart in the palm of this person's hand, and I'm scared. Really really scared. Damn it.
No comments:
Post a Comment