One thing I hate most about dating is the part where you say 'goodbye'. Obviously, as you date someone, you get to know them. You become more and more apart of their life. You are apart of the ups and downs of someone's life. You laugh together, have inside jokes, you're even naked together.
It seems that no matter if I've been dating someone for 2 weeks or 2 years, goodbye is never easy for me. It feels so final. There's a sadness within me about it. I feel like I'm mourning a loss. A loss of hope, a loss of what could be, a loss of a life of possibility with that person. If it's someone I really like, I think about what our kids would look like. I say my first name with their last name in my head. I imagine how they would fit into my family, and I in theirs.
But when 'goodbye' happens, eventually that person will become nothing more than an acquaintance, a memory, someone you used to know. Most times, they become a stranger. We're taught not to like strangers. Those things you dreamed about seem ridiculous and crazy. You can't believe you ever even saw that person in that way. Doesn't this idea feel so sad to you?
Last night I said goodbye to someone I had been seeing off and on for 6 months. I hadn't even realized that much time had gone by. And again that same sadness and mourning came over me. It really wasn't about him. I knew he wasn't right for me. I knew that he would never change. I never felt like I could truly be myself around him. I was constantly trying to be what I thought he wanted. And he...didn't seem to try to do anything. It seemed to me that I was just a matter of convenience for him. I realized that I hate the feeling of being convenient more than I hate goodbye.
So I told him that he was fake, and that he made me fake. He didn't seem to like that very much. So our goodbye was a mutual thing I suppose. It still feels sad though. 2 people who don't believe in giving up gave up...on each other.
This is why I'm single.
It seems that no matter if I've been dating someone for 2 weeks or 2 years, goodbye is never easy for me. It feels so final. There's a sadness within me about it. I feel like I'm mourning a loss. A loss of hope, a loss of what could be, a loss of a life of possibility with that person. If it's someone I really like, I think about what our kids would look like. I say my first name with their last name in my head. I imagine how they would fit into my family, and I in theirs.
But when 'goodbye' happens, eventually that person will become nothing more than an acquaintance, a memory, someone you used to know. Most times, they become a stranger. We're taught not to like strangers. Those things you dreamed about seem ridiculous and crazy. You can't believe you ever even saw that person in that way. Doesn't this idea feel so sad to you?
Last night I said goodbye to someone I had been seeing off and on for 6 months. I hadn't even realized that much time had gone by. And again that same sadness and mourning came over me. It really wasn't about him. I knew he wasn't right for me. I knew that he would never change. I never felt like I could truly be myself around him. I was constantly trying to be what I thought he wanted. And he...didn't seem to try to do anything. It seemed to me that I was just a matter of convenience for him. I realized that I hate the feeling of being convenient more than I hate goodbye.
So I told him that he was fake, and that he made me fake. He didn't seem to like that very much. So our goodbye was a mutual thing I suppose. It still feels sad though. 2 people who don't believe in giving up gave up...on each other.
This is why I'm single.
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