Revelation Dating

I went on a date the other night. It wasn't really a date. It was more of a hangout. I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie at his house. I was told recently that “movie at my place” is always code for sex. However, I was purely interested in the quality surround sound and HD jumbo tv. Wink wink. Roar roar.

I originally texted him around 6 to make plans, and subsequently fell asleep. I called him at 7:45 to inform him I was going to head over. I finally arrived at 8:45 after a shower and quick conversation with my brother. He didn't mention my tardiness. He simply said that he had dinner waiting for me which consisted of barbequed chicken, veggies, and sweet potatoes. He even had a 'skinny' mixed drink prepared and waiting for me when I came in the door. I once told him I liked that particular drink. He even cooked veggies that I casually remarked I ate a lot of.

He pulled tv trays out and let me pick a movie out of his collection to watch. He didn't say a thing when I pulled out a movie he and I had already watched together. After eating he took my dishes and gave me a back rub and a foot rub. Upon leaving, he handed me some tupperware with leftovers in it. He explained that it was my lunch for tomorrow. I kind of laughed because it was something I would do, and have done many times to dates. I felt so taken care of. I left knowing he genuinely put effort and thought into the night and sought out to make me feel special.

As someone who has been dating and looking high and low for a relationship, you would think this would be a regular feeling. I mean, men go to great lengths to impress women. They clean up their cars, and wear their best outfits. They spray on the cologne and take us to fancy restaurants. Why did this evening feel so lavish and make me feel so special out of all the others?

It felt like it was a stark reminder that blasted me into a harsh reality. Most people approach dating asking the other person, “what can you do for me?” instead of seeking to display care and kindness to the other person. Just for clarification, I would like to believe I am the former of the two. I know most of you can't fathom that I wasn't always an upstanding woman. Through a lot of energy and soul searching I became someone worth dating.

But I'm realizing that I have spent so much time giving and giving to get a man's attention that I have forgotten to expect something in return. Am I trying to make up for my past mistakes? This might seem like a no brainer, but upon coming out of the fog I can't help but ask WHAT THE FUCK?!

Where along the way did I stop expecting anything? Where along the way did I start thinking it was ok for a man to treat me as anything less than special? I've always considered myself (as do many others) a strong, independent, no-nonsense kind of person, but evidence clearly shows that I am indeed not this kind of person at all. I will settle for less in a minute. I'm slowly waking up to realize that I have been settling for less for a long long time.

My married friends have been telling me that I expect too much from a guy. They tell me that it is wrong to expect a man to communicate his feelings for me and his desire for a future in a relationship. These are friends that are in healthy marriages and relationships, I might add.

The one thing I always ask myself after an epiphany of this magnitude is “what do I do with this information?” If NOT doing this came easy, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. How do I change? What are the appropriate expectations for a woman to have of a man (and visa versa)?

I guess that's the next phase of this whole thing. This year is defintely shaping up to be the year of epiphanies. I feel as though I am waking up from a dream to realize that the world around me is not pretty and perfect but evil and ugly. What is even crazier is that I am discovering I am not pretty and perfect either, but I might be one of those evil and ugly people too.