One of the hardest things about dating is not knowing what the other person is thinking. You can be having a great time with a guy, laughing, flirting, making him laugh, having stimulating conversation, and when he doesn't call, you're clueless.
Typically, I don't care when this happens. However, when I actually LIKE someone to the point of vulnerability...it just pisses me off. I like you, and you don't like me back? You're an asshole. Simple as that.
I recently met a guy who I initially thought was going to be a weirdo. He defined himself by his strict Paleo diet and his addiction to Crossfit. He spent the first 20 minutes of our first conversation filling me in on all of the things he didn't eat. He also waxed his eyebrows into a feminine arch and shaved his entire body. To follow up with all of these things, he felt it relevant to tell me about his obsessive compulsive need for things to be clean. Needless to say, I was not falling all over myself for this guy.
Then, something happened. I can't tell you what it was. We just sparked. All relationships take a little sprinkle of magic to work. Someone somewhere waived their magic wand, and we couldn't get enough of each other.
I felt vulnerable by these feelings. I like to present myself to the world as this independent put-together woman who doesn't need a man. Men like that too. But the moment I have feelings, I turn into this needy, insecure, clingy person I'm unfamiliar with.
Anyway, I liked him. Really really liked him. He seemed to reciprocate my feelings too with texts telling me he thought I was amazing and funny, etc.
Then, after a day of drinking with friends, playing darts, and being outside, I was exhausted. I had also only had 4 hours of sleep the night before. Towards the end of the day I received a call from my rogue sister which sent my energy crashing. After I announced that I was going to go home, I sensed something imperceptible. Something shifted. Changed. I just had this feeling that this would be the last amazing day I had with this guy. I saw that I was just a source of entertainment to him. A plaything. An amusement.
Was our chemistry all in my head? Was I so desperate for a man that faked a connection?
After that day, his interest in me waned, and I received less and less contact from him. When I asked him, as casually as possible, if he was still interested, he said yes but needed to take things slower. So I told him that I respected that. I would not contact unless he reached out to me. Over the course of a couple of weeks he would text me flirtatiously asking about my day and complaining about work. But he never followed it up by asking for a date.
The most frustrating thing about all of this was not knowing what this guy was thinking. That's probably the most frustrating thing about every guy. What had I done to turn him off? What was wrong with me? Was it him or me? Could he sense my vulnerability? Men are like these weird animals that have their own way of communicating, and they refuse to accept any other form of communication. Their rules. Their way. Or else you're going to get your ass kicked either physically or emotionally. Bummer. I guess, I have to let go and send him to the island of lost men. This is the same place the one-night stands and Peter Pan types live.
I admit I find solace in the fact that I might have been able to live with a guy who shaves his entire body, but I could never put up with a guy who waxes his eyebrows like a girl. I can't eat like a caveman either.
And that's why I'm single.
No comments:
Post a Comment